Men’s and Women’s Brains Are Just Different

So why do men and women have such different ways of handling basic things like cooking dinner? This comes in part because of the different ways that women’s and men’s brains work. As we’ve discussed in previous articles, women’s brains are made up of thousands more neural receptors than male brains. The result of this is a higher level of communication between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. Practically, this means that women can access both sides of their brain more easily than the average man can, which results in her having what is called an expansive thinking pattern.

Simply stated, women think about the relationship between many different factors at any given time. Our thinking doesn’t start from A and go to B, instead it begins with the relationship between A and B, and we can often add in the relationship with C, D, and E at the same time. To give a more specific example, as we’re cooking dinner, we might think about what the dishes will be like afterward, which could lead to thoughts of what groceries need to be bought, the ironing that has to be done, and how much we have to do to get ready for the in-law’s visit that weekend.

For most men, because their brains do not have as many neural receptors, the blood flows from one part of the brain and then to the next giving them what is called a sequential thinking pattern. Literally (and practically) this translates into thinking about one thing at a time. As a benefit, men can have a level of attention to detail that some women marvel at. But these two ways of processing information are at the root of many relationship issues.

Routine jobs around the house – as described above – can cause women to feel like they never get a moment’s peace. Add to this the fact that many men do not approach chores the same way we do. One caller told us it’s not that her husband doesn’t care about doing chores, but that he has a different timeline for when chores need to be done. She feels it needs to be done when she sees it, he feels it needs to be done when he can get to it. It just might push a woman over the edge when a man throws that empty soda bottle on top of the already heaping garbage in the can and still doesn’t change the trash bag. But, to him, it isn’t an emergency that needs to be taken care of immediately. This simple priority difference is at the root of many a woman’s frustration around getting fair support at home.

So what’s the solution? While we can improve the way we ask for a man’s support, we can also do plenty to help ourselves and reduce our own stress.

What Men Want in a Relationship

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1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

**A Tip for Women**
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation -- either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spend with a loving partner.

Women think men don't want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

**A Tip for Women**
Men want what women want -- a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner's mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don't want or value praise and acknowledgement, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

**A Tip for Women**
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his timeline. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

**A Tip for Women**
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a "roaming eye" and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship -- even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

**A Tip for Women**
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and "a roaming eye" are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgement of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

**A Tip for Women**
Most men want acknowledgement and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.